I have been conducting interviews since 2014 as a means to
build blog content. The more I interviewed, the more I became seasoned in my
ability to capture people’s stories.
Over time, this professional experience started to have a positive effect
on my interaction with people. Considering the specific interviewing-skills
that affected my relationships, I think of 3 major points:
1. Never stop being curious about people
Interviewing is a journey of learning and discovery, like
life. While being curious about a new person is easy, it's not the case with
someone you already know. Nevertheless, being curious about a familiar person
could lead to some surprising discoveries.
A few months back, I interviewed matchmaker Monique Le on
how to recognize a good match. Since I've known Monique for some time, I didn't
expect to learn anything new - but I was wrong. The discussion about the
influence of role models in one's life triggered a thought in my mind. For many
years I assumed that the good sibling-relationships we have in our family was a
habit that we developed to keep our mother happy. She always said that she
wanted us to be good friends. During the interview with Monique, I realized
that the real influence in our relationships came from both our parents. They
had wonderful relationships with their siblings.
2. Listening is more important than talking
Think of a recent conversation you had. Were you completely
listening when the other person spoke or were you thinking about what you would
say next? If you desire to hear the other better, you need to forgo your desire
to talk.
Back in 2016, I interviewed psychotherapist Eugene Kidder*
about men’s wellbeing, a fascinating topic for me. During the interview, I got
carried away and started a conversation with Eugene. There were things I wanted
to say. Doing that, I lost my opportunity to focus on the expert’s opinion. I
still kick myself for this mistake and loss of what could have been great
content.
3. Gaining trust is key in successful collaboration
Trust is crucial to create successful relationships. It
takes time and consistent-efforts to gain it, but it's well worth it. If you
want to gain people's trust, you need to demonstrate respect, full acceptance,
integrity, transparency, discretion, and service.
In early 2015, I asked Mairead Molly, the global director of
the international dating agency Berkeley International, to participate in a new
blog project I was working on. Unfortunately, she refused. Since it was my
first international multi-participant project and I had no previous-experience
to show, I understood her reluctance. However, I was very grateful for the
other 16 matchmakers who trusted me in this project. By the end of that year,
when I worked on my second international-matchmakers-project, I approached
Mairead again. After showing her the first project, she agreed to collaborate
and I was overjoyed to have her perspective on my blog. The following year, I
had the pleasure of working with Mairead again on another project.
* * *
While the examples above are all professional, I have a
small story to demonstrate how I apply this experience in my personal life.
My father is a quiet man; conversations with him can be very
brief. Recently, I decided to be curious about him. I started asking him
questions about his life, his memories, and his thoughts. We ended up talking
for quite some time. I got to discover new things about him; information that I
would have missed had I not been curious, had I not listen, had he not trusted
me.
* Eugene Kidder passed
away on November 14, 2018. I regret his loss and very grateful for the opportunity
I had to interview him.
English (United States) ·