The feminist revolution made many women resent their femininity. They
saw femininity as an obstacle, something that was holding them back and preventing them
from going places in life. They wanted to become like men. Today, several decades
later, and with no positive and healthy feminine role models, we have a generation of women who are completely detached from the
essence of femininity. When it comes to dating and relationships women today
don’t really know how to get in touch with their softer, and use it for
their benefit. For many years coach Aga
Winnicka has been working with strong and successful career women helping them reveal
their feminine side and enjoy a more fulfilling personal and romantic life. In
this interview I asked Aga to share her insights about the mistakes that women do that sabotage their relationships, as well as to provide some practical advice on how to
use femininity to improve their interpersonal experience.
Aga Winnicka is the founder and creator of the
Commitment Academy that teaches women how to use femininity and feminine
standards to turn dating into committed relationship and marriage. Aga is a
fireball of information and has a delightful and dynamic way of sharing it! Her
stories and wisdom will help you realize how much of what you’re doing is
already inspiring and amazing and how a few simple changes to your current patterns
can bring you even more confidence and the best results. To follow Aga and
learn more from her join her Facebook group “The Secret” to Relationships.
What is the most common mistake women make while dating?
IMPATIENCE. Despite many factors that can influence
our behavior differently, like culture, environment, and religion, from what I
have observed over my years of coaching is that there is one universal issue in
dating that repeats itself: when it comes to relationships women are impatient;
they want to be in a relationship yesterday. Many women, often right on the
first date, approach dating from this logic: “Ok, you like me, I like you,
let's get married.” They have no patience for working on the relationship, as
they believe it is supposed to JUST happen. Due to that approach
some women do everything in their power, like texting daily, asking for dates,
and offering sex, to have a man commit. Unfortunately for them, this kind of
behavior achieves the opposite result: the pressure causes the man to withdraw.
It is easy to blame men and label them as “non-committal” or “commitment-phobe,”
but the real issue here in dating is not the men, but how women behave - how
impatient they are.
What approach do you recommend women adopt to
have a more positive dating experience?
Relax! I know it’s a
cliché, but relaxing is the best way to have the most positive experience. Keep
in mind that the man who asked you out is just as nervous as you are and wants
to have his chance with you just as you want to have your chance with him.
That’s why it is so important to relax and just focus on having fun in the
moment. Don’t let your mind go far ahead and try to profile him if he would be a
great husband or the-father-of-your-3-children-with-a-great-career-and-a-nice-house-in-the-suburbs.
This kind of thinking is counterproductive and it puts you in the masculine
“what-should-I-DO-to-make-it-happen” position. The best way to have
a man ask you out again and again is if you lean back and let HIM convince you
that he is the right guy for you. Leaning back and relaxing allows you to
experience the date, yourself, and your company to the fullest. It creates much
better energy and an unforgettable experience for both of you. Remember that a
date is not designed to nail down the husband candidate but to learn about
yourself & your standards and to practice femininity.
You are called by many of
your clients “The Femininity Coach” – how do you teach women to be more feminine?
A lot of women think
that they are feminine when in fact they are projecting very masculine energy.
They believe they are feminine because they have long hair, wear dresses and
high heels, walk with grace and speak with a high-pitched soft voice. But
actions speak louder than words. This feminine façade doesn’t hide masculine
behavior such as being competitive, argumentative, or pro-active vs. receptive.
On the other hand, many women neglect to demonstrate feminine traits such as
being grateful and being able to take a compliment or accept help from others.
The attitude of many women today is, “I can do it myself.” And indeed, women can open their own
door, pay for themselves, plan dates, and follow up. But this kind of behavior
is driven by masculine energy.
The first step
towards being more feminine is to realize and admit that an energy shift needs
to happen. The best way to gage what kind of energy you project is by looking
at the kind of men who are approaching you and are sticking around. If those
men are more sensitive than you are, nurturing, and receptive than you are they,
probably more in touch with their feminine side. The reason they are attracted
to you is because you are on the masculine side. Masculine men will almost
never stick around a masculine woman, and I’m not talking about physical
appearance.
If you want to
attract a more masculine man, you need to get in touch with your feminine side.
There are 5 steps to get in touch with your femininity:
Women gain more from
being feminine. The second a woman becomes masculine she is losing the game. Men
have the tendency to be competitive whenever they sense masculine energy, but
at the presence of a woman who carries feminine energy they are powerless.
Aga Winnicka is the guest speaker of Making a Match seminar on Sep.5 at the Redmond library. Visit website for more information and to register.
