Recently a friend shared with me an article claiming that
Seattle is the worst US city for dating. Knowing my interest and involvement in
the field, she asked for my take on the subject. I wrote to her that I disagree
with the conclusion of the article. The geography has nothing to do with the
problem. There are however two major reasons why people have difficulty finding
love, and they can affect people anywhere around the world: - online dating and lack of self-awareness.
Online Dating
I worked for six month as a bridal registry consultant for a
big retailer in the country. I used this opportunity to do my own field
research on how American couples meet. I worked with more than 250 couples and
asked each of them how they had met. Only three met online. The rest met at
school, university, work, through friends and family, and church. Among those
couples there was a considerable number of individuals who came to Seattle for
a visit, or relocated for a job, and found a local partner shortly thereafter.
The real problem is that people nowadays resort to online
dating to find love, despite the fact that research shows that online dating is
not the best way to find love. Dr. Dan Ariely, the author of Predictably Irrational,
explains that the profile questions on those sites are not very helpful to find
a match. He said that it’s like trying to decide if a certain food is tasty
based on a list of nutritional values. He also mentions that the large pool of
candidates to choose from makes it harder for people to be content with
one-person, always thinking that maybe there is someone better out there.
Self Awareness
In one of the relationship seminars I hosted, a female participant
shared her frustrations about men in Seattle. Throughout the whole conversation
she didn’t stop stressing about her exclusive residential zip code, the
expensive car she drives, her six-figure income, and her frequent visits to
Europe. She was completely unaware that it wasn’t the men, but rather her own
attitude that was pushing away nice people, or attracting people who mirrored
her uninviting attitude.
Lack of self-awareness is another reason why people can’t
find love. Just like you need good driving instruction to get to a new
location, you need to have a very clear understanding of who you are and what
your needs are in order to find the right person for you. It takes some work to get there but it’s
worth the time and effort. Unresolved personal issues tend to attract partners with
similar issues.
If you are seriously looking for love, whether in Seattle or
any other place, before you go on a date with anyone - go on a date with yourself
and get to know the person you are, what are your values, what gives you joy,
etc. Work to become your best you to attract the right person to your life.
Then turn off your laptop and start socializing, take a class, join a church,
develop a nice group of friends – they might introduce you to someone.
To learn more on the subject read the following blog posts:
