If you are like most Americans,
you probably opt to meet your date at a nearby Starbucks. There are several
reasons why Starbucks is such a popular destination for first dates. To start
with – they are everywhere and easy to find and recognize with their green
two-tailed mermaid logo. The
second reason is that Starbucks offers a non-committal meeting environment. You
get a cup-to-go, and if you don’t like your date, after a few minutes you say
goodbye, take your to-go cup and get up and go. Your day/evening is still ahead of you and you’ve got your
coffee too.
But what if people approached
dating a little bit differently? A first date at Starbucks signals that you
don’t want to risk your time and energy on the other person before you know
this person is worth it. What if
you approach dating as an opportunity to meet someone new and do things that
you both enjoy doing, like walking your dogs in the park, go to the museum to
see an exhibition, or do wine tasting together. Do something that you would do by yourself anyway, but now
you can have company and possibly a nice experience, even if this person
doesn’t turn out to be who you are looking for as a partner. Naturally, this
approached requires that you do a better screening of the people that you meet
with, and find out about them more in advance. You might not end up with three
dates a week, but to have a positive dating experience it’s better to focus on
the quality rather than the quantity.
I have a friend who is a veteran
of Starbucks first dates. When she first met her partner through an online
dating site, she didn’t think much of him. His profile did not contain all the
right ingredients that she was looking for in a man. But this guy dared her to
go out for dinner with him, just to have fun and enjoy good food with no
expectations. She relented. “I didn’t bother dressing up or putting on makeup,”
she told me. This dinner encounter turned out to be the start of a serious long-term
relationship.
When you go out with the mind-set
of having fun and being curious to know a new person, most chances are that
dating is going to be an adventure by itself - instead of means to an end. Think
of JFK’s famous phrase and apply it to dating: Don’t ask what this person can
do for you, but what you can do for/with this person.
